I just have to breathe one air at a time.

I'm suppose to write a final paper tonight, but because I have to let go of this thought tonight, I decided to blog about it.

Though my graduation status is hanging because of things I don't expect for now, one thing is for sure, I only have less than 3 terms to enjoy what college has to offer. I am happy that I was able to be active in an organization, pursued the course that I wanted, and had true friends who accepted me for who I am.

Don't get me wrong, di pa ako gragraduate, kaya wala akong karapatang mag-emo. Di ko pa natitikman ang impyerno ng thesis (though technically, we don't have a thesis) at practicum, but when you let someone know especially your relatives that you are about to graduate, especially you as a political science student, pressure comes before you know.

While going to school, my mom asked me the million dollar question: "Anak, anong balak mo pagkagraduate mo sa June?" The same moment I felt when Mr. Malbarosa and Dr. Batalla asked me "Why I took Political Science?" For the first time since I left Plaridel to run as Sports Ed for The LaSallian, I felt the uncertainty to answer.

I tried to ignore the question for the reason that I don't know the answer. What I only plan to is this, I shall RUN AWAY from the Philippines for a couple of months, explore the United States as a tourist. So she knew that plan of mine I have been sharing for years. Yet, she answered, "while there, look for certificate courses. Like politician blah-blah, certificate course lang kinuha sa harvard, sino na siya ngayon." or this option my mom and my dad has been telling me, "o kaya anak, palakad ka sa Tito Erik mo, total naman, kavibes sila ni Nancy Pelosi (US House Speaker), baka maipasok ka niya sa Fulbright scholarship. Anak! Fulbright yun! Clinton, diba idol mo yun?" Again, I don't know what to answer.

To complicate things, my tita in the mother side wants me to apply for law school. she said, "she's willing to go the extra mile, para magkapamangkin ako na lawyer." my mom said that if it wasn't for her sister giving career advices, she won't be who she is now. the problem is, my heart is not for law. i despise the fact memorizing articles, paragraphs, cases, and routines that i know i won't be good at. yes, i dreamed once to be a lawyer, but it was for the sake of "maiba lang" cause everyone wanted to be a doctor, teacher, nurse, fireman, etc. but it was only a dream. besides, i don't want to be compared with one low-life i know. i heard things from the close people sa kanya comparing me to him. duhhhhh! presidente gusto niya, ako senado lang. yes, that's the irony of it, i want to legislate laws, but i don't want to be lawyer. i want to be a maker, a representative, not someone who is bound by rules and ought to interpret it.

Let's make things complicated, my tita, this time in the father side wants me to pursue what i like, journalism. so it happens, she's a high ranking executive at the nation's leading broadsheet. the opportunity is there, and i have a hungry heart and passion for it, and as she assured me that when i finished, shoo-in na raw ako. first, it wasn't my character to be on the field i am currently. but hearing stories from people definitely tapped the sleeping spirit i have on this thing. the problem is, my parents are against it. they even discouraged me from taking up communication arts in college. they said, "skill lang yan jady, importante, isip ang ginagamit" i found ways to pursue this in college.

balancing two worlds is already hard to juggle, and here comes the third complicator: to be able to participate in a non-stock non-profit organization. you could compare this to the so-called obama babies. where they were asked to register and vote, and now, they are ardently campaigning for obama's agenda. so parang they are organizing this kinda group, and they want me to be part of it. it's actually good, self-fulfilling din siya for me. and it could start my political career too.

So there, before I make any decision, I must pass this term muna, what a hell term so far! I think I just have to breathe one air at a time.

HOWEVER, I have to act now, it might be too late, but i must act soon.